How To Turn Down a Date

Being gentle doesn't mean avoiding their calls or being so busy that you can't talk. Turn down a date kindly with one of these one-liners and keep everyone's ego intact.

What happens when you meet someone online, but you don’t want to take things into the real world and go on a date? Or, if you’ve already shared a date, but aren’t interested in another?

Its a tricky thing trying to reject someone; no one wants to be rejected, but at the same time if you aren’t interested it isn’t fair to string someone along into thinking that you are, either. Passively turning down a date doesn’t work so well either, i.e. being too busy to return someone’s calls, or changing the subject when asked for another date. The problem with trying to let someone down like this (many folks call it being  ‘gentle’) is that the person on the other end of the situation intuitively knows that they are being turned down, but are also being told its ok to keep on trying in the hopes something will change.

So I ask on behalf of all singles everywhere: if you aren’t interested in meeting someone or sharing another date, do everyone a favor and turn them down. No need to be rude, dramatic or difficult about it, but do let them know clearly and succinctly that its just not going to happen. I’ll bet that if more singles could do this, I’d see less “must be honest and respectful” notes in people’s dating site profiles – which is quite frankly a turn off in and of itself for many folks, because it should be a given that people treat each other with respect and kindness, even if they aren’t into each other.

With that in mind, how do you turn down a date in the least comfortable manner for all involved? Try one of these lines either through email (acceptable if you haven’t hit date #3 yet), over the phone, or in person:

• I’m sorry, but I’ve met someone and I’d like to see where things go with them.


• I would really like to go out with you, but I hope you can respect I’m can’t.


• I could tell from our date that you’re a really nice person, and are definitely an attractive catch, but I don’t think that romance is in the cards for us.


• I’ve really enjoyed talking to you, but I’m so incredibly busy right now that I don’t think I could give a relationship with you the proper attention and care it deserves.


• I don’t want to lead you on or waste your time, so I think its better if we don’t go out. I hope you understand.


• There’s definitely some positive energy shared between us, but I’d be more comfortable if we kept that on a friendly or professional level.


• You’re really amazing, and I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but I’d like to introduce you to someone that I think would be a better match for you.


• I’m obviously interested in you or else I wouldn’t have given you my email address/phone number/accepted a date with you, but I don’t think that our lifestyles are compatible.