Dating Tips

Friday, June 11, 2010

Having Fun to Attract Someone

Having fun naturally attracts people; its the premise of the book and movie, The Secret, and countless other dating advice posts. But what does having fun to attract someone really mean, and how do you do it?

Have you ever met someone and felt like things were too heavy, too fast? Or maybe someone told you after you’d been dating a little bit that things weren’t fun anymore, and they needed the relationship to become light and carefree again. Perhaps you feel like there’s a weight that’s keeping you from attracting someone amazing, or that same weight is holding you back from taking things to the next level with your partner. No matter why you’ve ended up here, the end result is still the same: an injection of levity and laughter is needed in your dating life.

Saying it is easy though; doing it might seem incredibly hard. How do you make things light and fun after you’ve focused so long on where you’re going, what you want, and where things are headed? How do you let go of what’s weighing you down and making you less attractive?

Instead of focusing on what brought you to this place, why you’ve been a dark cloud of late, or why other people aren’t seeing you as you want to be seen – focus instead on the here and now. What can you do right now to have fun? What would put a smile on your face at this exact moment? What could you do for yourself that would make you feel pampered, release some weight off your shoulders, or be more attractive? That, whatever it is, is what I want you to do. Some ideas to get you started:

  • Put on some music that you can’t help but move to, and dance to the entire song;

  • Watch a movie, TV show or comedian that will make you laugh;

  • Go to a playground and play on all of the jungle gym apparatus or the swings, pretending that you’re a kid again;

  • Fly a kite in the summer, jump in some puddles in the springtime, rake up some leaves and then kick them around in the fall, or start a snowball fight in the winter;

  • Invite some friends over for a potluck dinner, explaining after they come that its a hands-only meal;

  • Find a big hill and roll down it.

For those of you in a relationship, having fun and keeping things light means something a bit different though. Not only do you want to try to enjoy yourself more often (but solo), you’ll also want to share some of those fun activities with your partner. Brainstorm a bit on your own to think of things to do together, but make sure you follow these rules as well to ensure you’re on the right track:

  • DO plan out what you’re going to do together on a date. Leaving it till the last minute or being spontaneous is fun too, but you want to ensure that you both are having a good time – so plan out what you’re doing for the next little bit to get back on track.

  • DON’T talk about anything heavy or serious on your dates, including where things are going, or how you feel about one another. If the other person mentions any of these things, its fine to listen to what they have to say, but replies should be kept to the bare minimum, such as, “I love you too,” or, “I understand what you’re saying.”

  • DO avoid topics that can create drama or that will make one of you angry or cry.

  • DON’T forget why you are together. Maybe you like their spunkiness or how they look at you; whatever the good vibes are between you, focus on things that bring out those characteristics in each other.

Think I’ve forgotten something about how to attract someone while having fun? Share your thoughts and suggestions in the comments.


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